Strike 3 Forums - Hot Seat Answers #28 - Red Hot Mama

[DirtyKash]

Red Hot Mama, your Hot Seat Questions have been asked here. You have 5 days to answer them and proceed to select the next person for the Hot Seat. Good luck.

[Red Hot Mama]

Hi, guys! Wow, this is a real cute place you've got here. And this hot seat...comfy! I'm impressed.

So, I reckon I ought to take a look at some of these question things, huh? Our first three are courtesy of KoZ who says:

1] Who would win in a jello wrasslin' match, Wally Mo Pena or Wily Mo Pena?

This is a trick question of course. When Wally Mo Pena and Wily Mo Pena Jell-o wrassle, EVERYBODY wins. (Especially me. Hubba hubba!)

2] What is the greatest thing about living wherever it is that you actually live?

The greatest thing about living in east-central Indiana is the limitless opportunity to move up in the world.

3] Since you are a self-proclaimed red hot mama who's smart assed, are you really a mama AND is your ass really that smart?

I am, indeed, a real mama. I have a 4-year old son who is a perfect angel, and particularly charming if you enjoy being called "poopy-head" and "banana-pants" on a regular basis.

As for my ass, well, it was bright enough to hook up with my thighs, wasn't it?

[Kingdom]

The thighs could have easily black mailed the ass to hook up. It's possible.

[Red Hot Mama]

DirtyKash wonders:

[*]Can you give me a brief synopsis of who are you, where you're from, what you do, how old you are, etc.? i.e. Describe yourself, give me a quick autobiography.

That's a pretty big question and not particularly conducive to the one-liners that I'm so fond of. I'm also, however, fond of bulleted lists, so maybe I can employ one of those here. I am:
* from Indiana
* gainfully employed as a technical writer
* a Purdue graduate, with a degree in Professional Writing and a minor in Spanish
* 28
* mother of one
* daughter of two
* author of the hottest new Cincinnati Reds blog, Red Hot Mama, which is destined to be a full-fledged blogging empire by about this time next year.

[*]On a scale from 1 to 10 (with 1 being lowest and 10 being highest), how would you rate yourself as far as intelligence and sense of reasoning? Discuss and explain.

Approximately two standard deviations from the mean. Somewhat more when I've had a good night's sleep and a glass of orange juice; significantly less after I spend a Saturday repeatedly slamming head-first into frozen sides of beef.

Why do I do that, anyway? Oh yeah: for the fun!

"Sense of reasoning" is pretty hard to measure. But the way I earn my living is to try to follow the messed-up reasoning of computer programmers and then explain it to end-users in a way that doesn't make my company sound like infinite monkeys banging on infinite keyboards until the code compiles. So if that's any indication, I guess my reasoning ability ought to be pretty strong.

[*]On a scale from 1 to 10, how would you rate your physical appearance and beauty (or lack thereof), your personal hygiene, and your sense of humor? Discuss and explain.[/font]

My large brown eyes hold a fiery passion, my pouty lips, dabbed with the slightest hint of glossy pink and barely turned up at the corners, the promise of pleasures previously unknown. My dark hair spills over my shoulders in soft curls that beg to be touched. My skin, pale, creamy, and barely damp from a steamy shower after a vigorous lunchtime workout, quivers at the slightest contact. My enormous bosom rises and falls hypnotically with my every breath. I place a perfectly manicured hand on your chest as I step up close, my mouth almost against your ear, and breathe a whisper: "Your fly is open. Heh heh."

[A's Baby Girl]

I place a perfectly manicured hand on your chest as I step up close, my mouth almost against your ear, and breathe a whisper: "Your fly is open. Heh heh."

Welcome to the family.

[General]

Well, she aint as bad as I thought. Some good answers last couple times out!

[Red Hot Mama]

DiamondDave provides the following ponderances:

1) If restaraunts were trees and you were a lumberjack, which tree would you cut down with a 48" chainsaw, slice into managable size pieces, run those pieces thru a chipper, burn the chips while sacrificing a chicken, and salt the stump and surrounding Earth.

Mmmm...salty smoked sacrificial chicken. My favorite. Definitely worth the blisters I got while chopping down Steak N Shake.

2) Ken Anderson or Boomer Esiason?

Dude, what the hell are you talking about? Are those words even English?

3) You are sitting on a barren and deserted island shore. There is plenty of fresh water, but no animals or vegetation of any kind. There are no materials to light a fire. There is nothing that floats. And after your first 5 days on this place, not even as much as a piece of cardboard has washed up on shore. You basically do not have many options at all. What action do you take?

I take advantage of the alone time to take a good hard look at myself and try to understand why the cosmos has provided me with this opportunity for self-exploration. I've been meaning to do that anyway.

After days of silent meditation, I suddenly open my eyes, alert with the realization that I was looking so hard for happiness, that I never noticed that I had it all along. I smile a contented smile as a rescue boat appears, and climb aboard with a deep sense of fulfillment. And a fantastic tan.

[ATLien]

this game is kinda dying down.

maybe we should restart it?

[Kingdom]

DK got a hard on.

[Providence A's]

DK got a hard on.

I don't want to even know how you knew that

[DirtyKash]

It always intrigues me when someone says "daughter of two". No, REALLY?!? Gee, and I was thinking that you might have 539 parents.

[Red Hot Mama]

It always intrigues me when someone says "daughter of two". No, REALLY?!? Gee, and I was thinking that you might have 539 parents.

You know what makes a subtle joke funnier? When you draw attention to it.

Where's my "sarcastic clapping" emoticon when I need it?

[Saber]

Who is Red Hot Mama?

I bet she's no Christina Kahrl.

[Red Hot Mama]

General wants to know:

1.) Cupcakes or donuts?

I'm not sure I have the starches left in my deal-a-meal for either one, but it is a special occasion. I'll have a Krispy Kreme.

2.) Better team: Reds or Mets

What the hell kind of question is that? And what do you mean by saying I "aint as bad as you thought"? Punk.

3.) Favorite current Red and reason.

They're all so special in their own way. Kearnsy's the cutest. Freel's my personal hero. Valentin is a tiny man with a big bat. I could never choose just one.

[General]

Well, that's the 4th person to call me a punk today.