2007: A Baseball Oddity

With the 2007 MLB season soon upon us, nobody quite knows what to expect. Well, here’s your chance to find out…


April 1st: Carlos Delgado sings the National Anthem as the Mets and Cardinals open it up from St. Louis.

April 2nd: Johan Santana’s first start of the season. Fantasy owners everywhere rejoice.

April 6th: Josh Hamilton hits 4 HRs for the Reds in a 12-0 win over the Pirates. Kyle Lohse throws a complete game shutout.

April 7th: Hamilton is benched and Lohse is optioned to AAA by Reds manager Jerry Narron.

April 15th: The Royals beat the Orioles for their first win of the season. Zach Greinke throws a one-hitter with twelve strikeouts.

April 16th: Zach Greinke leaves the team for personal reasons and is not heard of the rest of the year.

April 24th: The Yankees lose their first game of the year to the Devil Rays behind Carl Pavano giving up 8 runs in 1 1/3 IP. Despite his 2-HR performance, Yankees fans blame A-Rod.

May 1st: Commissioner Bud Selig reveals to the media that he is resigning from the job and being replaced by Pete Rose. After stunned looks, he exclaims to the crowd “April Fools!”

May 2nd: Selig calls a press conference to apologize, as he failed to realize it was actually not April, and April Fool’s Day was at the beginning of last month. Pete Rose wins $30,000 in Vegas as a result.

May 5th: Alfonso Soriano breaks his arm running into the outfield wall at Wrigley Field and is out for the season.

May 7th: Barry Bonds is seen injecting a needle with the words “flaxseed oil” written in Sharpie marker into his arm before a game with the Mets. After Bonds hits 3 HRs, he attributes it to being hated by the media.

May 10th: Daisuke Matsuzaka throws 250 pitches in a 13-inning win over the Blue Jays. He then gets into a shouting match with Terry Francona after the manager tries to give him an ice bag after the game.

May 12th: Billy Beane declines a proposed trade of Bobby Crosby for Miguel Tejada, claiming Tejada’s OBP, OPS, VORP, range factor, and WTFAREALLTHESESTATSSUPPOSEDTOMEAN not high enough.

May 16th: Sammy Sosa earns his master’s degree in teaching English.

May 17th: Sosa forgets the entire language when asked if he has ever taken steroids.

May 25th: George Steinbrenner faints when somebody tells him that Carl Pavano is still healthy. Yankees fans blame it on A-Rod.

May 28th: Johan Santana loses his first game of the season, 1-0 to the White Sox. Santana’s loss total now equals the win total of the other four pitchers in the Twins rotation.

May 29th: The Tigers call up a good young pitcher. A collective yawn goes around the league.

June 1st: Chien-Ming Wang strikes out David Ortiz for his first K of the season after 17,000 ground ball outs and 2 flyouts.

June 5th: Despite a 9 game deficit, Jimmy Rollins declares the Phillies the NL East favorite after a 6-5 loss to the Mets, saying “I think we showed we’re better than them tonight. Well, I know we didn’t win but hey…we tried really, really hard.”

June 8th: Before a Mets-Tigers game, with the almost-World Series-last year hype raging, Albert Pujols apologizes for his comments about how Tom Glavine wasn’t that good last postseason. He states “Well, I guess he’s pretty good for a 40-something year old guy. I mean, he sucks compared to me, but since he’s old enough to be my dad I’ll give him a pass.”

June 9th: Ryan Howard homers against some crappy Royals pitcher.

June 10th: Ryan Howard’s home run ball lands.

June 13th: Randy Johnson returns to Yankee Stadium with the Diamondbacks. 5 home runs, two dead birds, and one photographer left squirming on the ground later, he leaves.

June 15th: The Angels and Dodgers meet with both teams entrenched in last place to everyone’s disbelief. Then everyone realizes Sports Illustrated picked those two teams to make the World Series, therefore they must suck. Angels and Dodgers fans blame A-Rod.

June 24th: Jason Giambi and Barry Bonds hug before the Yankees meet the Giants. Somewhere, Victor Conte smiles.

June 27th: After making a diving catch while robbing Nationals 1B Nick Johnson of a hit, Braves CF Andruw Jones requests a trade to the AL so he can DH. “I’m sick of trying so hard out there all the time!” he angrily yells to the media.

June 28th: Braves closer Bob Wickman eats his 129th cheeseburger of the season, breaking Rich Garces’s 2001 record of 128 in the first half. Babe Ruth’s family scoffs, claiming Ruth ate that many hot dogs on a good day.

[Fishercat]

Mwhahaha.

Awesome job, +Rep for that.

[Dry1313]

Hahaha sweetness.

****ing ARod.

[Porter99]

June 9th: Ryan Howard homers against some crappy Royals pitcher named Gil Meche. June 11th: Ryan Howard’s home run ball lands.

fixed.

[browntown653]

Originally Posted by Porter99 fixed.

Thanks for catching that fatal error.

[redsrbetter]

April 6th: Josh Hamilton hits 4 HRs for the Reds in a 12-0 win over the Pirates. Kyle Lohse throws a complete game shutout. April 7th: Hamilton is benched and Lohse is optioned to AAA by Reds manager Jerry Narron.

Pretty much hit the nail on the head with that one.

May 1st: Commissioner Bud Selig reveals to the media that he is resigning from the job and being replaced by Pete Rose. After stunned looks, he exclaims to the crowd “April Fools!”

Then Selig is finally fired!

May 16th: Sammy Sosa earns his master’s degree in teaching English. May 17th: Sosa forgets the entire language when asked if he has ever taken steroids.

Hilarious!

A few I got out of a magazine:

April 14: After being intentionally walked in his first 49 plate appearances of the season, Bonds is thrown a strike and slams it into McCovey Cove. He remains 22 home runs behind Hank Aaron, however, when major league officials instruct the official scorer to rule it a four-base error on rightfielder Shawn Green.

May 18: In the strangest episode of "ER," the Chicago doctors heal the arms of Mark Prior and Kerry Wood, enabling each pitcher to throw two games in a row.

June 16: Vladimir Guerrero hits a pitch on the outside corner at Dodger Stadium while swinging from the batter's box in Anaheim.

July 30: The Red Sox finallt appease Manny Ramirez's trade demand in a complicated three-team deal that sends the disgruntled outfielder to the Mets for a player to be named later. The player to be named later turns out to be Manny, who happily returns to the Red Sox before game time.

August 31: In a blockbuster deal minutes before the second trade deadline, the Yankees beef up their roster when they're able to sneak the entire country of Japan through waivers.

Sept 2: Baseball witnesses another heartwarming father-son moment when Roger Clemens and recent callup Koby Clemens each hit Mike Piazza in the head in the same game.

Oct 31: Action resumes and the Cubs get the final out to win the World Series for the first time in 99 years. Yankee fans respond by blaming A-Rod for not catching the ball; Cubs fans respond by dancing in the unemployment line; and Satan responds by flying to Hawaii to warm up for the winter.

All in good fun. Brownie you out did yourslef bro. This was outright hilarious. I truly hope to see this kind of humor come out in your upcoming work. Well done!

[browntown653]

Sept 2: Baseball witnesses another heartwarming father-son moment when Roger Clemens and recent callup Koby Clemens each hit Mike Piazza in the head in the same game.

That's ****ing hilarious, wish I could have thought of that one.

[redsrbetter]

Your Oddity was far greater than the magazine I quoted from. You seriously did a great job. I had to DIGG this article. Well done my friend!

[Porter99]

May 10th: Daisuke Matsuzaka throws 250 pitches in a 13-inning win over the Blue Jays. He then gets into a shouting match with Terry Francona after the manager tries to give him an ice bag after the game.

[browntown653]

I wish one of these had come true.

[catman]

Very nice.

[browntown653]

GET READY FOR 2008

Coming up soon